When happiness becomes a duty

I caught myself in a trap

One morning I woke up and felt nothing. No joy, no pain, just emptiness. The sun was shining through the curtains, the coffee smelled on the table, but I just stared into the cup, as if there was something more in it than just a black liquid. I have always been the smiley one. The one who says everything will be alright. That everything happens for a reason and that you just need to think positevely. But what if it`s not? What if positivity isn`t the answer, but a trap?

World, where there`s no space for sadness

 „You need to think positive!“ „The universe has something better in store for you!“ „It`ll pass, just smile!“

Have you heard that before? Maybe a hundred, a thousand times. I say it often myself. Because that’s how it’s supposed to be. The world doesn’t belong to those who complain, but to those who know how to breathe, lift their head, and keep going.

That morning, something changed. 

I was just standing in the kitchen, holding a cup of coffee and looking out the window. I didn’t feel good, but I would never admit it out loud. Pretending to be happy and optimistic had become so natural for me that I forgot what it was like to feel sad and allow myself to be just that. I started feeling sick of my own game of happiness.

i Selected by Calmory

When a smile becomes a mask

Do you know that feeling when you have to be okay, even though you’re not?
When you can’t say out loud that things aren’t going well because there are people who have it worse?

I do.

And so I kept smiling, played my role as “the strong one,” and denied reality.
I didn’t want to burden anyone. My friends had their worries, my family had enough of their own problems, and at work, they expect you to be professional.
My responses were always, “It’s fine, I’m handling it.”

But inside, something was building up. The water in the glass was rising. And then, one day, the it cracked.

I’m not sure when it happened. Maybe it was when I came home after a long day and realized nothing brought me joy. Maybe it was that morning when I couldn’t force myself to get out of bed. Or the moment when a friend texted me, “How are you?” and I couldn’t even find the strength to reply. It felt like slowly losing myself. I did everything I was supposed to, went to work, talked to people, fulfilled my duties, but at the same time, I felt like I wasn’t really me.

There were days when I just mindlessly scrolled through social media so I wouldn’t have to confront my feelings.

Other days, I tried to be active – hikes in the mountains, yoga, self-development books – but none of it brought me relief. Nothing could bring me back to myself.

One evening, when I didn’t know what else to do, I did something I had been putting off for a long time. I picked up the phone and called my closest friend.
I stayed silent for a long time. And when she asked what was going on, I told her the truth for the first time:

“I don’t know. I just can’t anymore.”

She didn’t tell me I had to be strong. She didn’t convince me that everything will be okay. She was just there.

i Selected by Calmory

When everything falls apart, it’s the right time to build something new

And that’s when it all started.
Gradually, I allowed myself to be weak, tired, sad. I stopped apologizing for not feeling good. And I began to search for my way back to myself.

I put on a movie that had always seemed emotional to me. This time, though, I saw myself in it. And then I just cried. Uncontrollably, not quietly. I just sat there and allowed myself to.

And with every tear, I felt something release. That maybe what I needed wasn’t another motivational quote, but simply to let my body say what I felt.

But now what? I couldn’t cry forever. After the outpouring of emotions, came exhaustion. Silence. And then that familiar emptiness that tried to swallow me again.
I started looking for ways not to lose myself. How not to fall back into the mask of a fake smile, but also not drown in my own sadness.
I knew that affirmations help some people – words that bring a sense of calm, certainty, a reminder that everything has its time.
It wasn’t my path, at least not then. But I still recognized that for some, they could work. That there are people for whom repeating simple sentences helps them ground themselves, breathe, and be present.

Maybe I didn’t have my own method to feel better at that moment, but I slowly started exploring what worked for me. What would give me a sense that I had control over something, that I didn’t always have to adjust to the pressure around me.
Sometimes it was something small – a warm tea, a walk without headphones, a moment when I just sat and watched the world around me. Sometimes I read a sentence that made sense to me, but I didn’t try to force it as a universal truth.
And sometimes, I simply breathed and let the world be as it is – not good, not bad, just present.

And that’s how I started to find my way back.

This is one way that helps many people feel better. Maybe it will help you too, or you’ll find something completely different, and that’s absolutely okay.

The main thing is this:

“Listen to yourself. Your own guide has been inside you all along!”

Breathe slowly and read these sentences aloud:

• "I allow myself not to be okay."
• "I allow myself to experience all my emotions."
• "I don’t have to be constantly happy to be okay."
• "Sadness is not weakness, but part of my strength."
• "My life is great, even when it’s not always happy."
• "I accept life as it is, with all that it brings."

It’s okay not to be okay. Being happy isn’t a duty.

I look at myself differently now. I allow myself to feel sadness, anger, and frustration. Because it’s not weakness, it’s humanity.

And humanity is far more valuable than a fake smile.