At the Pool with My Scars

I’m sitting on a towel, watching children shout with joy in the water, and next to me lies my body. In a swimsuit… in public… unfiltered.

It’s my body, the one I hated for years. The one I hid, suppressed, weighed, tortured with diets, overfed with shame, and punished with every glance in the mirror.
And still, it’s here. It lies down, breathes, holds me above water, warms me, cools me, moves, laughs, exists.

Some days I like it. Other days I don’t. But I’m learning not to humiliate it. Not to mock it. Not to treat it as a problem that needs fixing.

I don’t know who decided that this is what a “pool body” should look like, but I do know those decisions destroyed the confidence of many beautiful women for years.
How many of us stayed home rather than show a soft belly?
How many of us skipped swimming, trips, or joy, because we didn’t have the “right” body?

But there’s nothing more wasteful than hating yourself for how you look, instead of caring for how you feel.

My body remembers all the years I hated it. All the diets, the restrictions, the shame. And now, as I lie here on a towel by the pool, looking around, I know every one of us carries something. Sometimes it’s a belly, stretch marks, scars, loose skin, or just that inner feeling that we’re not enough.

But you know what? That woman you think looks perfect may be wishing for your ease, your naturalness, your eyes, your voice, your laugh. The thin one wants to be funny. The strong one wants to feel light. The quiet one envies the loud one. And the bold one sometimes wishes she wasn’t in the spotlight.
It’s never just about the body. And real beauty, true beauty, is fleeting. Not a clothing size. It’s a state of being.
A moment when you’re at peace with yourself. When you’re alive, not perfect.When you’re not against yourself.

And even if every day feels like starting over, just the fact that you came today, that you’re sitting by the water, giving your body the touch of water, sun, and movement… that’s care.
And it counts.

Maybe you don’t know where to begin. Maybe it all feels too big. So start small.
One gesture a day. One breath. One decision not to punish yourself anymore.

Here are a few gentle ways to care for yourself, without pressure or performance:

• Go for a swim, not for your figure, but for your soul
• Rub lotion on your legs slowly, as an act of attention
• Lie on the floor and feel your breath
• Wear something that feels good on your body
• Drink a glass of water and actually enjoy it
• Stretch in a way your body asks you to
• Take a bath or shower just for pleasure
• Rest, even if you “did nothing”
• Touch yourself with someone
• Look at yourself without judgment

From Calmory:
It’s not important what your body looks like. What matters is how you feel in it. And even if it hurts sometimes, every single day you can begin again, and become a safe place for yourself.