How to Say No: When You’re Tired of Being “Nice” at Any Cost
How many times have I thought, “I should have said no”? How many times have I gone along with something, agreed to things, even when every part of me was screaming inside? Maybe you know the feeling too. And maybe you’re also looking for a way to finally change it.
Why I Couldn’t Claim My Own Space
This was a few years ago. It was a Friday night, and after a long, exhausting week, all I wanted was to close the door, lie on my couch, and do absolutely nothing. Then my friend messaged me: “Wanna grab a glass of wine? I really need it.”
And so, I went. Even though I was drained. Even though I was frustrated with the world. Even though what I really needed was time for myself.
This wasn’t a one-time thing. It was a pattern. “Of course, I can do it. I’m here for you.” I didn’t know how to say no. Not in friendships. Not at work. Not in relationships. Not with family.
Why We’re Taught to Be “Nice”
From a young age, we’re told to be good girls. To not be a burden, to help, to always be there for others. And for the longest time, I got lost in that. I wanted to be the one who never let anyone down. But in doing so, I started letting myself down.
Eventually, I realized that if I kept saying yes to everyone else, I’d have nothing left for myself. That saying no isn’t rude or selfish—it’s a basic way to protect my own boundaries.
Learning to Say No
I remember the first time I actually did it. Someone called me, asking for something that needed to be done right now. I could feel in my gut that I just couldn’t do it this time.
So I said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t today. I really need time for myself.” Honestly? It felt awkward. But at the same time, I felt this huge relief, like a weight had been lifted off me.
Since then, I’ve been learning to be fair to myself. It’s not always easy. Sometimes I still fall back into my old habits. But now, at least, I know how important it is.
„Because when we don’t say no to others, we’re really saying no to ourselves.“
Maybe You Feel the Same Way
Maybe you feel like life is slipping through your fingers because you’ve spent too much time being the nice one—the one who never says no. I know how hard it is. But I also know how much it can change your life.
That’s why I keep coming back to these reminders. They help me pause and remember that protecting myself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
- "My boundaries matter."
- "I can say no without guilt."
- "Saying no doesn’t make me a bad person—it protects my well-being."
- "My time is valuable and deserves respect."
And if these reminders help even once, then sharing my experience was worth it.
A Small Ritual That Helps Me Let Go
When I have extra time, I light a candle and write down what I need to release. Something like:
“Today, I say no to what drains me.”
Then, I burn the paper and let that decision go.
It’s a small thing, but it helps me reconnect with myself. It reminds me that by protecting my boundaries, I’m taking care of both my mind and body.
So I’m passing these little steps and words onto you. Maybe they’ll help you too. Or maybe you’ll find your own way—and that’s completely okay.
Because the most important thing is to hear yourself. And to stand by what you need.
A Woman Who Writes About Life As It Really Is
Antonie is a woman who knows the power of human stories and isn’t afraid to write about them. She has gone through burnout, loneliness, and the search for a balance between caring for others and herself. She is a mother who shares custody of her children, a partner, a friend, and a woman who sometimes doesn’t know what comes next. But it is this authenticity that gives her the courage to address topics that others often hide behind smiles. She herself says that writing is her way of naming things aloud and perhaps helping others feel less alone. In Antonie’s writings, you will find honesty, perspective, and motivation that you can rise again, even from rock bottom. She believes in the power of friendship, love, and simple rituals that help manage everyday reality.
