Perfectionism and Fear of Failure: Chasing Perfection Almost Broke Me
I used to feel like I had to be perfect. In everything. At work, in relationships, even when I was at my lowest. Then I realized that this whole perfection game ran deeper than I thought—and that it was doing more harm than good.
“That should have been better.”
That sentence has followed me my whole life. As a kid, I was never good enough for my dad. No matter what I did—getting straight A’s, winning competitions, helping out at home—his response was always: “Yeah, but next time, try harder.”
And so, I planted the seed of a belief: that I always had to be more. That good enough was never actually enough.
Making Life Harder Than It Needed to Be
That mindset stuck with me. Even today, I often overcomplicate things. Instead of taking the simple route, I find myself asking, “What if this isn’t enough?” or “What if I disappoint someone?” "I keep adding more to my plate, thinking I should do this and should do that."
And so, I turned small pebbles into giant boulders instead of just stepping over them.
The Boss Who Couldn’t Lead
Because I was such a high achiever, I climbed the career ladder fast and became a team leader. On paper, it looked like success. But inside, I was still that little girl, trying to prove she was worth it.
I was a tough boss. My ego was through the roof. I expected 100% from everyone and had no patience for mistakes. I found myself saying the same things that once crushed me: “Yeah, that’s good… but it could be better.”
Looking back, I realize how much I ignored the people around me—their feelings, their limits, their need for support. I was afraid that if I loosened my grip, everything would fall apart. But in the end, the only thing that collapsed was me.
I became isolated, lonely, and completely lost in my own ambition. The harder I worked, the more I lost myself. And eventually, I learned the hard way: success doesn’t always mean happiness.
Hitting Rock Bottom
It all caught up with me about eight years ago. One day, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I burned out. Fell into deep depression. And just like that, one chapter of my life was over.
I had no choice but to stop. To rest. My body forced me to. I had to rebuild my life from scratch. And honestly? I had no idea if I could.
I’ll always be grateful for the people who gave me time, space, and love—who let me find my way back to me.
From One Extreme to Another
After recovering (which took over a year), I swung to the other extreme. I went from being a perfectionist to not caring at all. Nothing really mattered. At first, it felt like a relief. But honestly? It wasn’t better. I was like a pendulum, swinging from one extreme to the other.
It took another two years before I finally found balance.
The New Me
Through trial and error, wins and losses, I’ve learned to be a better version of myself. To be a good leader and a good friend—without the constant pressure of perfection.
I’ve learned to say no when I need to. To accept mistakes, both mine and others’.
I no longer obsess over tiny details at all costs. Now, what matters most to me is authenticity, health, and strong relationships.
How I Stay on Track
- I remind myself that mistakes are part of the journey.
- I compare myself to me, not others.
- I try to see things with more perspective.
- I celebrate even the small wins—like just taking a deep breath and pausing.
And with every deep, intentional breath, I repeat to myself:
- “My worth is not defined by my achievements.”
- “Failure is a lesson, not the end.”
- “I don’t have to be the best to be good enough.”
- “I do my best, and that’s enough.”
A Woman Who Writes About Life As It Really Is
Antonie is a woman who knows the power of human stories and isn’t afraid to write about them. She has gone through burnout, loneliness, and the search for a balance between caring for others and herself. She is a mother who shares custody of her children, a partner, a friend, and a woman who sometimes doesn’t know what comes next. But it is this authenticity that gives her the courage to address topics that others often hide behind smiles. She herself says that writing is her way of naming things aloud and perhaps helping others feel less alone. In Antonie’s writings, you will find honesty, perspective, and motivation that you can rise again, even from rock bottom. She believes in the power of friendship, love, and simple rituals that help manage everyday reality.
