Between Love and Addiction: When It Hurts More Than It Gives
We’ve all been there. That feeling when you love someone so much that you forgive things you never should. But where does love end and dependence begin? And how can we be the ones to offer a helping hand?
When a Relationship Is No Longer Love, but a Bond That Destroys
I sit across from her, for what feels like the hundredth time this month. Her eyes are tired, her head bowed, tears welling up. “Tony, I can’t live without him,” she whispers. And I know her well enough to see how much she’s fighting within herself.
"But can’t you see that it’s destroying you?" I ask softly. "This isn’t love anymore. It’s an addiction."
My friend is losing herself. She doesn’t smile like she used to, she stopped going to her yoga classes, and she hasn’t seen her family in months. Her entire world revolves around him.
"When I call him and he doesn’t answer, I feel like I’m going crazy," she confesses.
And I understand. Because, honestly, which one of us hasn’t felt like that at some point?
Trapped
I know what it’s like. I once had a relationship where I mistook pain for love. I wanted to be good enough. And even though that relationship was breaking me, I clung to it because I couldn’t imagine being alone.
I thought I was nothing without him. Now, I see the same thing happening to my friend. That pain we feel when we sacrifice too much of ourselves, more than is healthy.
I don’t always tell her what she wants to hear. But I tell her what I wish someone had told me back then: "Do you really think this is still love?" I just remind her that sometimes, we get lost in how much we give and how much we expect in return. And that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect yourself—even when it hurts.
When Love Burns Like Poison
Staying in a relationship that drains you is like slowly suffocating. Our bodies and minds are always communicating. And when we ignore our own pain for too long, one of them will scream for us—through exhaustion, anxiety, sadness… until one day, we wake up and realize we’re lost.
When I talk to my friend, I never tell her that leaving is easy. But I do believe that, sometimes, it’s the only way to save yourself.
I know that everyone’s story is different. That admitting something is over—even when we’re still hoping—is incredibly hard. But I tell her, and maybe I’m telling you too, if you’re reading this:
"Sometimes, true courage isn’t in holding on—but in finding the strength to walk away when your heart and soul are crying for help."
If You Need a Reminder…
Sometimes, hearing someone else’s story helps us find clarity in our own. If you’re looking for inspiration, I recommend:
🎬 Lover for Himself – A movie that opened my eyes to the importance of boundaries.
📖 Books by Simona Monyová – Painful yet honest portrayals of how invisible abuse can destroy us.
And when things feel overwhelming, I repeat these words to myself:
- "I have the right to say NO."
- "My worth is not defined by being in a relationship."
- "Healthy love doesn’t make me lose myself."
- "Strength and peace start within me."
Maybe you’re reading this, and something inside you clicks. Maybe you’ve been through this before. Maybe you’re going through it now. Or maybe you know someone who is.
I just want to tell you one thing: You are not alone.
A toxic relationship is like a slow fire burning you from the inside. At first, you might not see it—you get used to the warmth. But sooner or later, you feel it. You realize this isn’t the kind of love that strengthens you.
So let me leave you with this quiet reminder:
"Don’t let your soul grow weak. Love should be a place where you grow, not where you disappear."
A Woman Who Writes About Life As It Really Is
Antonie is a woman who knows the power of human stories and isn’t afraid to write about them. She has gone through burnout, loneliness, and the search for a balance between caring for others and herself. She is a mother who shares custody of her children, a partner, a friend, and a woman who sometimes doesn’t know what comes next. But it is this authenticity that gives her the courage to address topics that others often hide behind smiles. She herself says that writing is her way of naming things aloud and perhaps helping others feel less alone. In Antonie’s writings, you will find honesty, perspective, and motivation that you can rise again, even from rock bottom. She believes in the power of friendship, love, and simple rituals that help manage everyday reality.
